Sibshops: Helping to develop understanding between brothers and sisters of children with special needs.

by Elaine Duckworth
September, 2003

"My sister is the most special person in my life."

"I'm feeling grateful to have a sister who is unique."

Relationships between brothers and sisters can sometimes bring about challenges and this is especially true for those brothers and sisters who have siblings with special needs.  In addition to all of the normal sibling issues, these siblings may experience a wide range of feelings.  Those emotions can include embarrassment, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, fear, loneliness, isolation or resentment.  However, there are ways to support the siblings of individuals with disabilities.  These same siblings have shown increased tolerance for differences as well as higher levels of empathy and altruism.  By bring these children and young adults together, they can learn from one another.

Two programs held last spring were sponsored by the Imperial County Office of Education’s Special Education Department and the Student Well-Being and Family Resources Department.  Known as Sibshops, both of these programs helped siblings to learn more about "life as a sib" and provided siblings with a network of support.  One of the fundamental lessons that participants quickly learn is that they are not alone.  Sibshops allow children and young adults to support each other and put their unique set of experiences and challenges in perspective. 

One of last springs Sibshops engaged 99 participants in a day of poetry, self-expression and art with Veronica Cunningham, a poet and artist.  Students in the 7th through 12th grades created a "Power Quilt" as a group.  The squares of the "Power Quilt" were compelling expressions made by siblings.  Examples of some of the squares are:

• "My sister is the most special person in my life."
• "Every soul deserves our respect and understanding."
• "The laughter and kindness of my sibling brings joy to my eyes."
• "When I go with my sister to a place and feel very happy with her is the best prize I would ever have. I really thank God because he gave me that prize."
• “When my sister is excited, she laughs and I am relieved she isn’t sad or disappointed and I feel happy that I can make her smile.”
• "I wish my sister could open her eyes and see the sky."
• "I'm feeling grateful to have a sister who is unique."
• “Tears come out of my eyes when I see the differences between me and my brother.”

Parents can help their children cope by:

• setting aside special time with each of the siblings, either individually or collectively, 
• balancing the responsibilities of siblings,
• recognizing the accomplishments of each child individually, 
• teaching children to recognize positive characteristics about all family members, and
• encouraging open sharing of feelings.